“As no cause remains without its due effect from greatest to least, from a cosmic disturbance down to the movement of your hand, and as like produces like, Karma is that unseen and unknown law which adjusts wisely, intelligently, and equitably each effect to its cause, tracing the latter back to its producer.”
(The Key to Theosophy, H.P. Blavatsky 1889)
(The Key to Theosophy, H.P. Blavatsky 1889)
If you are going to put me down, I’m letting you know that I can take it. Just be prepared for me to dish it out as well. You judging me gives me permission to judge you right back. If you punch me in the face, I will not hesitate to return your kindness in spades. This is not first centuryI have always wondered if God works in the exact same way. You can call it karma, reaping what you sow or any another other construct you want, but I have noticed that what we put out is what we get back. You always purchase just what you paid for. King Saul may have been “the Anointed One”, but he cast himself onto his sword after God abandoned him to foreign armies. The price you pay for seeking mortal glory, at any cost, is defeat at the hands of your enemy. Judas thought he was betraying Jesus, but in the end, he realized that he had only betrayed himself. Even the Christ got exactly what he came for. I’m still trying to figure out just what He did to Himself before He was sent down here to die. It is obvious that God is a just and compassionate entity, unless you do something to piss Him off. With the Lord, it is quid pro quo pal, and nothing less.
nor have I made any contract with Jesus to turn the other cheek. I am a
spiritual man, graced with an abundant life and great mercy, but that does not
confine me to the state of victim. I have always stood up for myself,
regardless of any threat of eternal punishment that comes with it. I am a quid
pro quo sort of fellow. You get exactly what you give. If you start it, be
prepared for me to finish it. Jerusalem
I’m not easily angered like the god found in the pages of the Bible. I don’t kill everyone who gets on my last nerve. At times in my past, I may have wanted to do just that, but the price for such violent gratification was far too high. I will say that not once, not ever in my history, did I start something I wasn’t prepared to follow through on. I have never punched someone, cursed someone or attacked someone first or without provocation. I have never picked a fight. I have never promoted violence in any form. I am simply a reactor to such things, not an instigator. To be attacked, whether verbally or physically, is more than enough just cause for me to return the favour. Nevertheless, I have felt the sting of what I believed was divine retribution for doing so. There have been times in my life when I felt I was getting precisely what I deserved.
“Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. Whoever sows to please their flesh, from the flesh will reap destruction; whoever sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” (Galatians 6:7-9, NIV)
When my first partner committed suicide, I took the weight of his world onto my shoulders. I blamed myself for his decision to end it all, no matter the amount of times people tried to convince me that this just wasn’t so. After I unsuccessfully tried to follow suit, things went from bad to worse for me. I remember waking up to my parents, both sitting next to me in my hospital room. All I could manage to get out of my mouth was self-deprecation. I flagellated myself for everyone to see. I tried to convince them that I was a murderer, that it wasn’t fair or just for me to still be among the living and Doug was cast into death. Regardless of whether he jumped of his own volition was beside the point. I was the one who pursued him. I might as well have pushed him myself. I talked him into the life we both led. I convinced him so I should be the one to pay. There was no question I deserved to die, not him.When I later met a new suitor, I didn’t realize that I was making a mistake. It never occurred to me I might have subconsciously planned to do just that. Although a good chunk of time had passed since Doug’s decision, I still told myself that I was the one at fault for it all. I had internalized my pain in an attempt to go on but I also sabotaged any happiness, any pleasure that came into my life. I learnt rather quickly that God will get you back using strange and nasty weapons. This gentleman turned out to be all these things and even more. He wasn’t crazy in the conventional way, where you can tell right away from their demeanour and sense of reality. He was a volcano that built up steam until it exploded all over me. He was the kind of guy who would stand yelling at the top of his lungs because I dared come home late from work. You know the type of person I am talking about. It was okay if he had friends but I wasn’t allowed such a luxury. He even wanted me to end my relationship with my family because I was closer to them than I was to him. Any deviation from his specifications was met with screaming, then more screaming, ending in a crescendo and him curled up in the foetal position on his living room floor.
For almost two years, I let him treat me like I was his property. He could say anything, do anything he wanted to me because I stood and let him. I came to believe that meeting this loony-bird was divine justice. It was some warped form of retribution but it was appropriate penance for what I had done to Doug. Like almost all modern relationships gone sour, we ended up in a courtroom fighting over who was right and who was wrong. Like some good Catholic boy, I took my beating like a man. I pleaded guilty because I thought I was. When Ben came along, I knew my sentence was over. With time, I realized that the only punishment laid upon me was by my own hand. It’s strange how karma works that way. I guess that God doesn’t have to toss His judgment upon us, we do a pretty good job of taking it out on ourselves. In an attempt to charge myself for what I thought I had earned, I did God’s work for him.
“As man sows, so shall he reap. In works of fiction, such men are sometimes converted. More often, in real life, they do not change their natures until they are converted into dust.” (Charles W. Chesnutt, African American author)
For almost all of 1997, I worked as a bouncer at a gay bar called the Apartment. Located on the downtown strip inDoug and I drank a lot when we were together. It was a habit neither one of us wanted to break. I suppose we thought that we could disappear in a bottle, or shot glass, so we did just that. My exposure to alcohol at the club only managed to bring back my propensity to hide in Molson Canadian and a bottle of Tequila. I would work my shift, do my part, then sit with the other employees until almost dawn, drinking and drinking and drinking even more. The thing about most gay bars is their inability to maintain themselves for any length of time. Homosexual men and women are fickle when it comes to brand loyalty. Most gay establishments have a limited life span, victims to new and fresher places to play. As the Apartment started its death throes in the fall, I wasn’t needed as much. I refused to give up my home away from home, so I would come in and party as a customer rather than as a member of the staff.
, the place was quite
fashionable in the community at the time. The owner, Wally, saw me dancing one
night and approached me with the offer of employment at his establishment.
While I was still writing, still publishing, I felt it would be good for me to
immerse myself in this culture, to use the experience to not only assist me in
healing but also to escape from the life of grief I had been living. I must
admit, I wasn’t just good at my job, I very much enjoyed the social
interaction. For five hours every Thursday, Friday and Saturday night, I got
away from my worries. I stole a wee bit of happiness despite being miserable in
my real life. I was popular among the staff and clientele. I made friends
quickly. I found solace in the music and in the laughter. I also rediscovered
the joy in boozing it up just for fun. London,
I had consumed my share of liquid love when the bartender asked me to assist in the removal of a patron. Some idiot had polished off enough booze that he thought it was okay for him to sexually assault the limited amount of people who were trying to have a good time at the club that night. I confronted him, requesting he remove himself without incident. I ended up placing him in a full-Nelson and tossing him out the back door. He fought and fought his dismissal. He punched me several times, he even tried to kick me in my special place. I was forced to lock my arms around his head and drag him out the rear entrance. When he was released, he lunged at me with great fury. Instead of turning away and leaving him to himself, I started to pummel him about the face and head. I thrashed him, smashed him down to the ground several times until he was bleeding. I took much pleasure from this experience. I had not let go of my anger since before Doug died and it seemed to release itself with little hesitation. I kicked the living shit out of him for almost no reason at all. I left him lying in the parking lot begging for mercy. Before I went back inside, I kicked him in the gut one last time just for good measure.
I had the cab drop me off near Taco Bell so I could grab something to eat. All night fast food joints are plentiful in a university town like
“All living beings have actions as their own, their inheritance, their congenital cause, their kinsman, their refuge. It is Karma that differentiates beings into low and high states.” (The Buddha, Siddhārtha Gautama)
Human beings seem quite ridiculous in their thinking that life’s diversity comes from blind chance or by pure incident. Karma is a natural force like gravity. It is the law of moral causation. Nothing happens to someone in this world that they, for some reason or another, do not deserve. In other words, karma is the result of our own past actions and our own present doings. We are responsible for our own happiness and misery. Whether our own heaven, or our own hell, we are the architects of our own fate. This state occurs in accordance with the philosophy of cause and effect. We are all an extraordinary creation of our own karma.Our current mental, moral, intellectual and emotional states are, for the most part, due to our own processes and tendencies, both from the past and in the present. The more time passes, the more we realize things can change and we don’t even know why. This ignorance, not seeing things as they truly are, is the chief cause of karma. It is our difficulties, failures, and misfortune that clearly demonstrate we reap just what we have sown. We believe that we are born into this state of ourselves. This is not true. We are not predestined, we have choices. In our self-directed efforts there is great possibility. What we decide can manifest into a more favourable environment. We create our own karma which infers we can negate it. We progress forward or we stay back. What we discover along the way was determined by our own hands.
“When an inner situation is not made conscious, it appears outside as fate.”(Carl Jung, Swiss founder of analytical psychology)
Human beings will use any excuse to avoid having to take responsibility for their actions. Karma can become a tool for deflection. We realize that what goes around comes around, but we blame life rather than facing the truth that we are the cause of all our suffering. Karma simply conducts the effect. We invite it without even knowing we have. We tell ourselves that “karma is a bitch,” when we are the one who did the dirty little deed. Karma always comes around again, no matter what we do. This is why karma serves as a deterrent to the religious man and as an incentive to the intellectual man. What each puts in they get out. The consequence we receive from our own actions deems that no one is to blame but us. It is our conscious thoughts, motives and words that come from unresolved emotions which result in our karma. It is built right in us.
“Karma is the universal law of cause and effect. You reap what you sow. You get what you earn. You are what you eat. If you give love, you get love. Revenge returns itself upon the avenger. What goes around comes around.”
(The Power of Karma, Mary T. Brown 2002)
(The Power of Karma, Mary T. Brown 2002)